I often hear people say ” I need to vent,” which usually means they want to blow of steam, let it all out and just get all the negativity out of their system. This can be useful in counseling, especially if it is about something that has be suppressed for a long time. Counseling is the one place where it is acceptable to vent. There is also a point at which it comes maladaptive and destructive. By fixating on anger, frustration and negative details about a situation it can become extremely difficult to see anything positive about it. This can trap a person into a negative cycle of rumination, which only intensifies pain and frustration.

In relationships “venting” to your partner about how much they irritate, frustrate or anger you is incredibly damaging. The worst cases of this fall under a category of “unbridled self-expression” ( a term from Terrence Real, Relationship Expert), which is where a person spells out in minute detail all of the ways that his/her partner does not measure up.  Sometimes I hear people say ” I want to be real” in defense of such a behavior. Being authetic does not mean spewing emotions without consideration or conscience, that is just being bratty.  Just like the picture of the volcano above, venting releases harmful substances  into an environment , and causes despair and destruction along the way. True intimacy is not created by being totally honest at all times or never holding back. It is born from acceptance of one’s self and other (partner, friend, etc.) as imperfect and finding how  you can make those flaws work, together, to form a meaningful connection.

Recently in the media it has become fashionable and intriguing to “vent’. This is seen on reality TV shows, when cast members are taped individually going off/expressing their feelings about one another. In politics this negative behavior can often be seen and heard on shows like Neal Boortz and many others. Positive change is never created from harping on all of the things you don’t like about a situation, or person. 

Something to thing about next time you need to vent.