Have you ever wondered if the amount of sex you have is…well, normal?

According to The Net Doctor the average American Couple in their 30’s & 40’s has sex around 2 times per week. Well, there are plenty of people out there that have sex more or less than twice per week.  So what about all of those people?

What does it mean if you and your partner only have sex once a week? Or what if you have it every day? What does that say about your relationship?

In truth, it depends. The most important thing about the frequency of sex in a relationship is how both partners feel about it. If a couple has sex once every two weeks, but each partner is content with that- it’s perfectly fine. Trouble starts when there is constantly mismatched libido in the relationship. It can become a topic that starts arguments, makes people feel rejected, or creates emotional distance.

When sex is going good in a relationship it actually has a pretty low impact on relationship satisfaction, but when a couple’s sex life is going bad, it can ruin a relationship.

Last week I spoke with Alex, a 30 year-old engineer that has been living with his girlfriend of 2 years for the last 4 months.  Alex described their relationship as “we rarely fight, and she is a great girl, the kind of girl you would want to start a family with.”

According to Alex his girlfriend had been on the anti-depressant for the past 4 years. One of the side effects of her medication is that she has a very low sex drive.  They have sex once every 3 months.

When asked how he has approached this situation Alex replied “ About 2 months ago, I let her know that I would like to have sex more often and that she should consider changing medications or learning alternative ways to manage the depression.”

I asked “ How has that gone?” He informed me that although his girlfriend claimed to understand how he feels, she has not made any attempt to change her medications and seems to be content with having sex 4 times per year.

This is where the real problem lies. The issue is not the lack of sex in their relationship, although it is clearly a problem, it is that Alex’s girlfriend is not concerned with his satisfaction or needs. Sex is one of the ways that an romantic relationship is different from a friendship. It is crucial that Alex and his girlfriend get on the same page about their sex-life, even if that requires some creativity and change. Otherwise this problem will continue to surface causing bigger and bigger issues.

How do you and your partner handle disagreements about sex in your relationship?